Attention: This story talks about the serious topic of child sexual abuse. Some descriptions may be upsetting, and we encourage you to read with care. If you suspect harm or abuse, or if you need support, the resources listed at the end of this story can help.
I want to find ways that I can raise awareness or normalise conversations with community, within our families, about sexual violence.
Being an Atu-Mai Upstander was something that Sharee Sauni thought would be easy.
“I was thinking that because there’s a lot of us now, … there’ll be no barriers, that [it] will be easy for us to advocate and to raise awareness but along the way, yeah it’s still hard.”
But she quickly learned that when culture is misappropriated, it can have a huge impact.
“It was a lightbulb moment for me because I’ve seen it growing up,” she says. “It’s sad that I didn’t take the time to explore more into it. Instead, I thought it was normal – so yeah, I want to change that.”
Gaining and sharing valuable knowledge
Sharee enjoyed all the Atu-Mai sexual violence prevention workshops and has been able to share her newfound knowledge with others.
“For us at Fale Pasifika, it’s helping prepare our mums. It’s the prevention of sexual violence. It’s prepping them to prevent it for their daughters or sons, for their children, and it provides that space for them to heal all the trouble they’ve been through.”
Sharee learned about the Atu-Mai programme by accident, but she’s glad she has been able to be a part of the journey and says it has been an awesome experience.
“It’s been a good experience to get to meet people from Le Va and get to learn and work with them about such a sensitive topic.”
Considering healthier gender norms
At first, Sharee felt uncomfortable with a lot of males at the trainings, given that in Samoan culture it is seen as inappropriate to discuss sexuality with the opposite sex.
“Usually, we don’t talk about it when there are males in the room,” she says.
“But slowly I became comfortable normalising that conversation and it became normal for me to talk about sexual violence and now I’m glad I came and joined.”
Supporting mothers to raise thriving children
Being an Atu-Mai Upstander has been fulfilling for Sharee, knowing that she is helping others and then those participants want to help others too.
“I’m doing something for these women and it’s really interesting to hear their feedback at the end of the workshops that some were shocked it’s happening and some of them were grateful they’re not alone and some of them now asking what they can do for their children.”
Helping them realise the importance of building up rapport so their children can come to them whenever something happens is crucial.
Noticing risks and symptoms of sexual violence
Helping mums notice signs of sexual harm and to do something for their kids has been rewarding for her.
“Some of the mothers were, when we were talking about sexual violence, were only thinking about daughters, but one asked: ‘What about our sons?’ I said you should deliver the same message and prepare them. For your sons, you need to teach them how to treat a lady as well.”
Sharee says sexual violence is happening not only to our girls, but to our boys too. And often some boys go on to harm others in similar ways.
“So, it’s good for us to teach them the same thing, having the same conversations with them.”
Sharee’s insights are in line with the training content for Atu-Mai community mobilisers, which also includes teaching youth about boundaries and consent.
She says some of the mums were shocked at what could sometimes be signs of sexual abuse – for example regressive behaviours in children like bedwetting and thumb sucking.
As Sharee says, these symptoms may not be signs of sexual violence but should be considered alongside other behaviours. If parents are aware of these symptoms, they’re advised to closer attention and encourage safe conversations with their children.
Sharee acknowledges that there is still more work to be done to change attitudes around sexual violence prevention, especially among older people in Pacific families and communities.
Encouraging talanoa
In terms of open conversations and raising awareness about sexual violence, Sharee says, “Growing up we didn’t have it with our kids, with our parenting”.
She adds: “Isn’t it something you want to have with your children? It’s better for them to learn from you than from anyone else.”
She says change must start within the home and within churches. It is an ongoing challenge but one she is up for.
“I want to find ways that I can raise awareness or normalise conversations with community, within our families, about sexual violence.”
Sharee has become much more confident with facilitating and using difficult terminology as she usually uses simple English as her choice of words.
A supportive organisation, in Fale Pasifika
She is thankful her staff are more interested in sexual violence prevention workshops now too.
“Some of them didn’t have an interest in it at first, but once they saw me do it they’re like ‘Oh okay’ and I said to them, you can do the same content but put your own flavour to it as long as you’re passing on the message.”
Feedback
On reflection, Sharee says the Atu-Mai community mobilisation programme has been extremely effective. “It’s been a good journey, right from the beginning,” she says.
“You guys provided a safe space for us knowing that it’s a sensitive topic and you provided everything we needed so we got everything we needed to prepare our workshop for our ladies.”
Reporting abuse and knowing where to get help
If you need to talk to someone now, help is available. Confidential support is available for those feeling unsure and needing to talk to someone about child sexual abuse.
If someone is in danger
If you or someone else is in immediate danger, call the Police on 111.
If you or a young person needs someone to talk to
Safe to talk
Support for those impacted by sexual harm.
Call: 0800 044 334
Text: 4334
Email: support@safetotalk.nz
Live webchat: www.safetotalk.nz
1737
Support from trained counsellors
Call or text: 1737
0800 HeyBro
For men who feel they’re going to harm a loved one
Call: 0800 439 276
Youthline
Youth helpline service & face-to-face counselling.
Call: 0800 376 633
Text: 234
Email: talk@youthline.co.nz
If the young person is in an unsafe environment:
Oranga Tamariki
Free call: 0508 326 459
Email: enquiry@ot.govt.nz
Support for those who have experienced sexual abuse:
Victim Support: 0800 842 846
Rape Crisis: 0800 88 33 00
HELP: Call: 24/7, 0800 623 1700 (24-hour HELPline); Email: gethelp@helpauckland.org.nz; Text: 8236
Survivors Network of those Abused by Priests (SNAP): 022 344 0496
