It will change your life.
Josh Macfarlane used to be too scared to talk about sexual violence and child sexual abuse. Since becoming one of Le Va’s Atu-Mai Upstanders, that fear has gone.
“I think it’s just being able to have these conversations that sometimes I was too scared to have before,” he says. “I didn’t feel like I had enough information.”
Josh gained confidence after completing Le Va’s Atu-Mai programme – a community mobilisation initiative that empowers and equips community leaders to prevent sexual violence and child sexual abuse within their communities.
“When you’re talking about sexual violence, and especially when you are talking about children, how do you bring that to a group of men whose first reaction is that they would just smash the person if they ever did that to my kids? But then, how are we creating a space for that not to happen in the first place?”
Before the Atu-Mai training, Josh only briefly touched on the subject with his groups. He never explored it in depth.
“I learnt those skills now to be able to just go ‘All right, we’re having this conversation and you’re all coming with me whether you like it or not’,” he says with a smile.
Josh works with Man Alive NZ, a specialist living without violence agency that supports men, families and whānau affected by family violence. He says seeing changes in the people he works with has made the effort worthwhile.
“Just having that conversation, some of the guys that I’ve worked with have come out and talked to me about their experiences from childhood. And just having that information and being part of the Upstander programme has really helped in that space to be able to go ‘Okay where are we at? What’s going on? What can we do for you here?’ So, it’s been quite a lot more than I expected to be honest.”
Josh has also redefined what a safe space looks like since becoming an Upstander. One example he shares is ensuring that children know they have someone they can approach and talk to without fear of aggression or negativity. He says this is significant and something he regularly highlights in conversations with the men.
“But also, just creating spaces in your house. I think we’ve had conversations about where are your kids when you have people over at your house? Are they in a back room by themselves or in the lounge where you can see them? And it’s awesome watching dudes go, ‘I never really thought about it like that’ and freaking out a little bit.”
Charles Lavea from Le Va’s Atu-Mai team helped get Josh on board as a community mobiliser by giving him the nudge he needed.
“Charles was a big part of it. Just giving me information on Atu-Mai and what he was doing,” he says.
“And it was that that really inspired me to go ‘Okay, well what’s this all about?’ and ‘How do I take this and bring it into my workspace?’”
Josh says hearing stories from other Upstanders about how they are taking the kaupapa out to their communities was inspiring. He also valued how cross-cultural the programme was.
“Probably the support to be honest because it was consistent. How are you going? Where are you going with this? Do you need anything else? Are there any things that we can help you with and that kind of I guess it kept it in my mind and kept it going for me.”
Receiving an Atu-Mai Upstander tee-shirt as part of the training has also had a big effect, becoming a conversation starter.
“I never realised how much the impact the Atu-Mai tee-shirt would have, as so many people ask you questions.”
Josh says the ongoing support from Atu-Mai staff has been invaluable. He has gained new perspectives he did not have before.
“Just being able to open that conversation box up is huge – that’s massive really,” he says.
One year on, Josh says Le Va’s Atu-Mai programme has had a lasting impact on his life and on the lives of others around him.
“Transformative impact for me – massively yeah and I’m noticing the people that I work with it having an impact and it’s being taken home and actually being put in place – which has got to be transformative, hasn’t it?”
